Some days I almost wish she loved me less. Okay, not really! There is nothing more precious than a little girl who is desperate to be with her mommy–even when she wakes up in the middle of the night to find me.
Which reminds me . . . there should be nothing more precious than a believer desperate to be with her Savior.
Wow, when was the last time I felt that way about God? When was the last time I literally freaked out if I didn’t get some alone time with Him each day? When was the last time I was more desperate to pray than to sleep, read a new book, or find some chocolate?
Some of it is just a phase. When you have a toddler and a 6-month-old, lengthy periods of time by oneself are a rare luxury. It is not that I don’t want to spend more time studying the Bible or praying. It is just hard to find time with out interruptions: Mommy, I need a diaper change; Mommy, I’m hungry; Mommy, Elena took my toy; Mommy, look at that dog outside (interspersed with crying from the nonverbal member of the family), etc.
But some of it is a choice.
Some days I choose to clean my house, go on a walk, call a friend, or read a book. I choose to do those things first. I intend to spend time with God after that, but then the baby wakes up, the toddler needs disciplining, supper needs to be cooked. . . . It is not intentional, but by not choosing to put Him first, I choose to give God the leftovers. He gets the fragments at the end of the day.
Maybe it is time I choose to be more of an infant–let go of some independence and develop some healthy separation anxiety.